In some relationships, it’s love at first sight. In others, it’s a slow burn. For Jayne Coffee and Kyle Vanderberg, it’s a little bit of both.
The couple noticed each other right away when they first met. It was August 2016 at a mutual friend’s house, where a small group was gathered.
Jayne remembers seeing Kyle walk in, thinking he looked relaxed and comfortable, like he
belonged wherever he went. Kyle remembers Jayne was washing the dishes, noticing her thoughtful “house mom” tendencies, even at a home that wasn’t her own.
Those details stuck in their minds years later, as they plan their 2021 wedding.
It may not have been love at first sight, but from the moment they met, Jayne and Kyle were noticing and appreciating the good in each other.
“I don’t have any one particular moment,” Kyle said of when he knew Jayne was the person he wanted to spend his life with. “It was the accumulation of moments.”
It took eight months after that first meeting for the two to meet again. Jayne was out in downtown Sioux Falls with a few friends when Kyle’s name came up. She’d been eager to hear from him, maybe get asked on a date or at least to hang out again, but his only outreach after that first night was a Facebook friend request.
Jayne got sick of waiting.
She texted Kyle and asked if he was out that night. He wasn’t. That wasn’t his style, but he decided to go out anyway to meet up with Jayne and her friends.
At the end of the night, he made sure everyone got home safely, especially Jayne.
“Did you follow me home that night to make sure I was OK,” she asked, years later.
He did.
The two started messaging back and forth the next day, and they exchanged numbers. Kyle asked Jayne if she had any plans for the weekend.
“Since then, there’s been very few days that we haven’t been in some type of contact,” Jayne said.
Their first date was, true to both Kyle and Jayne’s personalities, an adventure. The couple took photos, climbed onto a roof, ate at McDonald’s, drove to the outskirts of town to look at stars and went to a park to find a tree to climb.
“He was different from any guy I had ever hung out with,” Jayne said. “I felt like we could do anything, and I would enjoy his company.”
Kyle was drawn to Jayne right away because he recognized that she fit well with his spontaneous personality. From that first date, it was clear that not only was she easy to talk to, she was easy to adventure with.
“I am down for anything all the time ... That’s a big part of who I am and what I want to continue to be,” he said.
They were talking nearly every day, and they began dating. Then, Jayne got accepted into a program doing mission work out of town. She was going to be gone for 10 months, and her relationship with Kyle was still relatively new.
But they were serious in their commitment to each other, and, at some level, they both just knew it was going to work out.
“I never questioned it,” Kyle said. “It wasn’t easy for her to leave, but I knew it was going to be fine because there’s no reason it wouldn’t be.”
Of course, they were right. When Jayne moved back to Sioux Falls in the spring of 2018, they both knew they were going to stay together long-term. The next question was: When is Kyle going to propose?
It became a little ongoing joke with Jayne and her friends that she would never be surprised by a proposal because she was so excitedly awaiting it, but Kyle still found a way to catch her off-guard.
Working with close friends Alexa and Adam Jerstad, Kyle planned to pop the question at their wedding, when Jayne would never suspect it. When Alexa went to throw the bouquet at the reception, she instead turned, handed it to Jayne, and stepped away as Kyle walked up and got down on one knee.
“I was so shocked,” Jayne said. “I just continued crying for the next hour and a half.”
The couple plan to wed April 17 in a small ceremony with close family. A few days later, they’ll fly to Jamaica for a destination wedding with friends on April 27, and in August they plan to have a hog roast reception in Beaver Creek, Minnesota with a larger crowd.
Kyle and Jayne say what makes their relationship work is an open line of communication. They click where it’s most important: a strong community of family and friends, being ready for adventure, and a “never say no” mentality.
“I don’t know that I could ever grow complacent in this relationship,” Jayne said. “We’re always challenging each other.”
What excites them most about life after marriage is finding adventure in future life stages from going on a honeymoon to getting a dog to starting a family.
“The essence is just the adventure and the continued adventure,” Kyle said. “Everything else just kind of falls into place after that.”